The Real Truth About Chemistry, Part 3

Is Your “Picker” Broken”?

If you read Part II of this series, then you should be ready to shed any guilt, resentment, blame or shame about spending time with anyone.

Today we are going to focus on chemistry and romance, so lets Tango!

When you are overwhelmed by chemistry one of two things is going to happen:

1) You can trust your feelings. We will call that “True Attractions” or

2) You CANNOT rely on your feelings. We will call that “False Attractions”

If your attractions are TRUE and you follow them, the chances are high you will have met someone that you can have wonderful deep meaningful conversations with. The experience is smooth and easy. You dissolve into a feeling of trust and connection. You enjoy each other’s silly antics and a deep feeling of trust develops. Immediately or shortly thereafter the desire for deeper intimacy and sex escalates. Life is good so far. Except for one thing. The connection is so powerful that if there is a sexual mismatch you’re likely to not notice it until much later.

If your attractions are FALSE and you follow them you are driven powerfully to experience everything I just described before. Except it’s not near as easy. In fact if you could step out of your body and observe from a distance it may actually look comical, like two people attempting to stick square pegs into round holes. Unless you know better, because of the chemistry, your efforts are relentless and your desires create a fantasy that you are certain will become a reality.

It gets more complicated. If you are sexually matched, add another dozen notches of intensity to the picture. Yowza! If you are sexually mismatched the chemistry won’t wear off but it will be counteracted by less than great sex. This is when relationships are short lived and where people often conclude we had sex too soon.

The answer to your question, “How long should I wait before having sex?” is answered. Be sure you have an energetic match along with your other relationship needs. Don’t sacrifice your needs unless all you want is a fling.

Whether you have True or False attractions—If you want something bad enough it’s amazing what negative signs you’ll miss. When you miss the warnings you have now entered the world of fantasy. If it’s true love and not just lust you’re after, it does not exist in the world of fantasy. We all know this to be true. How many times have you said or heard, “The fantasy is over!””

So you don’t think I’m a complete stick in the mud—I love fantasies! But I learned the hard way that when true love meets your fantasy versus forcing a relationship to become what you dream, the experience is radically different.

When you have the wonderful discovery that the life you’re living has just exceeded any fantasy you could have ever created you’ve learned that by removing anxiety and projections the result is a life that is extraordinarily beautiful. Love flourishes here.

Come back tomorrow for the steps we must take to get from fantasy to reality.

If you are not sure if you have True ort False Attractions, you can go to and get an instant calculation on Attractions.