Vegetable Phallicies

Grilled Braised Leeks and Maui Onions with Baked Yams


Onions-Leefs-and-YamSalvador Dali portrayed it best with his numerous paintings of food and his insistence that our epicurean pleasures are a very close second to sex. So much of what comes out of the garden closely resembles delicious parts of our bodies. It follows that a well-prepared meal can also be a gastronomic orgasm… as well as delightful foreplay for an evening of inspired lovemaking.



3 Medium to large leeks
3 Maui medium onions
1 Sweet potato or Yam
3 tablespoons balsamic herb vinaigrette
2 tablespoons Grapeseed oil
Pink Himalayan See salt
Fresh Basil
Fresh Tarragon
Fresh Oregano
Fresh Sage


Hand-pick 3 leeks, 3 Maui onions (Mayan Sweets are a good substitute) and a nicely curved and sufficiently thick yam from your local Farmers Market. Women, when you select the yam make sure it is firm and the size you like to handle. Men simply imagine how the yam will look hot and laid open for you on the plate.

Preheat your grill to high and your oven to bake at 400 degrees. Scrub the outside of your yam and place it on the center rack of your oven. Set a timer for 20 minutes.

Cut each leek in half lengthwise. Make sure to rinse thoroughly to remove all the dirt.

Cut the tops and the long stems off the bottoms of the onions, slice them in half from top to bottom and peel off one or two outer layers.

Finely chop and mix together 2 basil leaves and approximately 1 teaspoon of each of the tarragon, sage and oregano. Make sure to pause and gently inhale the scent of the mixed herbs. Your aphrodisiac experience begins here.

In a Pyrex dish pour 2 tablespoons of Grapeseed oil and mix in the herbs. Set the leeks and onion in the dish with the cut side down in the oil mixture, making sure the oil and herbs thoroughly coast the vegetables.

When the timer goes off begin to grill the leeks and Onions over direct, high heat, cut side down with lid closed for 5 to 6 minutes until grill marks appear. Be careful not to burn them. If you have a vegetable grilling tray this works great.

Remove the onions and leeks from the grill to individual sheets of aluminum foil (shinny side up). Brush them with balsamic vinaigrette and sprinkle with Himalayan sea salt. Fold the onion halves together and wrap each onion separately. Do the same with the leeks. Place them back on the grill and cook them covered for another 12 minutes.

Remove the leeks and onions from the foil and the yam from the oven. Slice the yam in half lengthwise making sure not to cut all the way through. When you spread open the steamy hot yam you should instantly notice how it resembles a womans’ sacred flower. Make her the center of attention on the plate surrounded by the soft round onion halves and the succulent long stems of the leeks.

Serve immediately with a fine Merlot . If you don’t drink alcohol, hot fresh ginger tea is wonderful.

Make sure to savor each bite as if you were delicately nibbling and kissing your partner. Make plenty of eye contact while you enjoy the dish. You are well on your way to dessert.

Options: Sprinkle the onions and links lightly with crumbled Chevre or grated Gouda for a smoky flavor.

© Copyright 2013, and Larry A. Michel