Who’s your Daddy?

When it comes to relationships, there should be only one answer to this question, your actual father.

So what is the deal with women dating guys that are 20 years their senior, or guys looking for women 20 years younger than them. This might be OK if the woman is in her 40s, but even then you have to wonder what unresolved “stuff” is pulling the strings.

I made a statement to a relationship expert friend a couple weeks ago to see how they would react. I said, “I bet that anytime you find a woman that is dating a man close to or old enough to be her father that the woman was sexually abused as a child and still has not resolved the trauma.” To my surprise, they answered, “Absolutely!”

I am sure there are exceptions as there are for every situation, but in the case of the major age disparity these are my suggestions:

If you are a guy that likes to date younger women, one of the questions I suggest you ask as soon as possible is “Have ever been sexually abused.” If the answer is yes, then make sure they have resolved that issue before you go any further or this is a relationship destined for major challenges and likely failure. If they say, I don’t remember, don’t be a hero. Suggest they find out and get that resolved and chose to be a friend if you want to stay connected.

If you are a woman dating an older man ask yourself if you are really attracted to the man or are you looking for the trust, comfort and love that you never got from your father. If you were abused as a child, either by your father or relative, and you are not fully resolved from the trauma you have work to do. Do it now! Otherwise you are taking the love, generosity and kindness from a man that could be let down when you figure out that you really are not interested in an older man for a romantic relationship.

Again there are always exceptions, but there is a reason none of Hugh Heffner’s women stay with him.

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